Wednesday, March 19, 2008

i admit it...

i descended into the madness of the marriage mandate debate. i feel kind of bad about it, but what's done is done.

what did i do? i attempted to put the verbal smackdown on debbie maken. i admit it. my motives were not pure or wholesome. i was shocked and angry, and i reacted with sarcasm. this woman is a somewhat well-known christian writer, and yet in many places around the internet you can find her making callous and downright meant comments. below are some of my favorites, so you can see what i mean. i'm sure amir can dig up more :-)

from comments on a boundless article:
"I have nothing to clarify or add about page 185 of the book. You got a 45 year old bachelor, go figure. Either a late bloomer, either was too picky, either consistently choosing poor quality women to date, either no effort, . . . at some point people need to take responsibility for where they are due to decisions/inactions they have made all along the way. The presumption of innocence that Anna did not indulge the 45 year old Christian male in is understandable, as well as her refusal to reward."

from comments on her own blog:
"So, farmer Tom, spare me the condescension of most women being feminist, men-disrespecting, corporate ladder climbing, career lovers, somehow leaving hapless, well-intentioned men in a dusty haze of confusion. Get off your bottom, be a "man," so that a woman will actually be attracted to you, and quit making excuses."

(note: farmer tom is married with kids)

maken has some good points in her book. but as several people have noted previously, they've all been eclipsed by her judgmental and often downright mean attitude.

i'm going to leave off the debate on this now and return to simply living my life and sharing my struggles and triumphs as a single woman. things should hopefully be quieting down in my life over the next few weeks, so hopefully i'll have more time to post again.


Amir Larijani said...

S/C: at some point, it was long past time that a gal confronted her.

Almost all the flak she has received has come from men (like myself, Adam, and Farmer Tom) and not women.

A woman needed to confront her. You did that.

Your sarcasm was actually quite mild, but enough to get the point across.

D said...

Wow, that lady really needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Sometimes it's not for lack of trying. I had people tell me I night find someone if I gave up performing as a professional. So much for that idea. I want her to read my blog. Some authors have blamed us ladies. I'm a great catch, lots of fun, pretty and worth pursuing. Guys are really jerky these days.

Amir Larijani said...


You oughtta read Kiesling's book. She's very balanced, and highlights what I have been saying all along: both sexes have blown it to a certain degree.

On the other hand, there is a larger set of problems--not the fault of either sex--that has contributed to the Christian singles dilemma.

Someone I know is writing that book.

Hopefully, it will be released this year if all goes well.

LadyElaine said...

I think the problem is that she doesn't realize is that her attitude drowns out anything that she is trying to communicate and get across to the singles. Let's be honest here--blame shifting and finger pointing will get us nowhere. Taking responsibility for our actions and walking in love towards our brothers and sisters will, regardless of their marital status.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Amir. You were not very sarcastic at all and you rock for confronting her.

I wonder why people would tell d that giving up professional performing would allow her to meet more prospects. I don't see the logic in that.

I agree with you, S/C - Maken has made caustic remarks throughout her book and towards other people. I threw her book in the recycling bin after reading it and I told her about it on my blog.

I'm sure it doesn't matter because I am an "unenlightened" woman who is actually happy about being single!

Amir Larijani said...

In contrast, Kiesling is a sweetie. I've had a couple e-mail exchanges with her, and she has been very pleasant in terms of dialogue.

Why Boundless does not make her the poster-girl for their cause baffles me.

Is it because she's been married before? Is it because she comes across as less-controversial?

Only Ted and company know the answer to that. Personally, I think that if they would post Kiesling's essays rather than Maken's, you may get more unity on this.

Blue Sky, Autumn Leaves said...

/cheer S/C

I never read her book. On the surface, her essay made sense. But after looking at myself and listening to Amir and many other single men that comment on Boundless, its a bit more complicated than what she makes it out to be.

BDB made a good point in response to one of my posts about this whole "lack of marriage" thing being like Job's Dilemma.

He was a RIGHTEOUS man that had everything taken away from him. Even God had said that he was without blame...and still...his friends told him he must have done something wrong or God wouldn't have done this to him. Remember what God's response was?

BDB compared Maken to the friends...which is accurate :)