Tuesday, June 17, 2008

the other reason i haven't had much to say

back in april, there was a sermon at church that basically was about dying to self. our pastor, brian, started out by lugging a big treasure chest up on stage and talking about how we all have treasure we lug around with us, and how our treasure keeps us from loving others.

he pulled various items out of the treasure chest and described how they were things that he had had to die to. for example, one thing was a log cabin. he said he'd always wanted a little cabin off in the woods somewhere, to go do 'man things in the woods.' (ha.) but, instead of saving money for a down payment and a mortgage on a cabin for him, he and his family were putting their money toward other things, like charitable giving and supporting people and organizations doing kingdom work. he still wanted the cabin, but had died to it in order to do other things. in order to love other people.

he went through a bunch of things, and at the end of each description, he'd toss each thing (toy log cabin, for example) into a big pine coffin on the stage. of course at the end of the service, there was time to pray and ask god what it was that we needed to put in the coffin.

it wasn't a big voice, or an intense feeling, or anything like that. but i knew. i knew i had to put my desire for a husband into the coffin. i knew i had to give up complete control and put it in there and die to it and close the lid and not look back. and so i did.

i died to my intense longing to find a husband. i put it in a coffin and told god he could have all of it. and i walked out of church feeling pretty good. it wasn't any kind of big deal; no tears or intensity or anything, like i said.... it was just this feeling like, yup, ok. i'm tired of this, you can have it.

so what's different about me now? and why'd i have to put a perfectly normal and healthy desire to death? sit tight. i'll get to that. just not right now.


Fred Walker said...

It's like with everything else in our lives, don't die to a desire that isn't inherently sinful just commit it to (place it before) God and then do what you believe God wants you to do. Maybe that's what your pastor was getting at and I just read it differently.

single/certain said...

yeah, i think that's what he was getting at... just giving up control of it and saying, ok, god, this is yours. you know i want it and i'm trusting you'll make it happen.

Anonymous said...

Look, I've been reading your comments for some time. You are not going to like what I have to say, but I'll say it anyway, maybe someday it might sink in. I was where you are once, for many years. I became born again at 21, and didn't marry until 37. Had my baby at 40. Would never have had my baby if I hadn't been willing to kiss the Evangelicals goodbye. In order to get married, you have to have two things. You've got to have a man who wants to GET MARRIED and you want to have a man who wants to MARRY YOU. This is not rocket science, so many Evangelical women are lying to themselves. If he doesn't call you every day, and date you every week, HE'S NOT INTERESTED!!! You've got to go to where the men are, even if it means marrying a mainline Christian instead of a born again Evangelical one. I don't expect you to post this. I know I'll probably get slammed by alot of people. Who cares. If you're smart, you'll wake up and smell the coffee before it's too late. If marriage and children are what you really want, you'll take my advice. I'm not telling you to marry a non-Christian, just that Evangelicals are not the only type of true Christians out there.

single/certain said...

hey anonymous, thanks for reading, and esp for commenting! i post everyone's comments, whether i agree or not, unless they're especially crappy or nonsensical. (i haven't had any of those yet).

i don't care too much for labels. but honestly, i don't consider myself evangelical. i don't go to an evangelical church. the few guys i seriously dated weren't an evangelical.

i don't care what he calls himself. i just want him to love christ with all of himself. anything less than that won't work. i become more and more convinced of this as time goes by, not less.

do i want marriage? yes, very much. but more than that i want to trust god. i know he's got a plan. if i get married at 37, well, that'll be tough for me, but it's not really all about me, is it?

Anonymous said...

Well, it's your life and your choice. May God Bless you and Be with you. Just try to remember, when a man is really interested in you--you'll know it. When I met my husband, I NEVER had to ask myself "Is he interested?" He called me every day. We went out every weekend, sometimes more. I really wouldn't waste time over guys who won't email or won't call.

single/certain said...

i totally agree, anonymous. that's the beauty of me sort of dying to all of this stuff. i don't chase or manipulate. i put myself around quality people, and be myself. some guy will be really interested in me at some point, and show it, adn i'll know. like you said, it'll be obvious. he'll call. he'll email. he'll PURSUE. i definitely don't waste my time on guys who aren't interested.