the prolonged singleness blame game

(warning: RANT! i've been reading several other blogs and sites lately, and there seems to be a common thread: blaming the church and/or the opposite sex for prolonged singleness amongst christians. it's pissing me off. all of this blame and name calling and whining isn't helping anyone. prayer, compassion, and action to change will help, not virtual whining.)

being single for an extended period of time can be really tough. it can cause you to question a lot of things (your sanity, your values, your spirituality, your past, your friends, your future, etc, etc...). plus it often feels like there's a lack of compassion for prolonged singleness in most christian circles. many married people just don't seem to understand how lonely and repetitive it can be. and most non-christians (and even some christians) don't get the whole 'waiting' (or attempting to wait) thing.

but does it really help to blame? does it really help to go on and on about how prolonged singleness is the church's fault because they only minister to women, or how all women only want over-effeminate submissive men, or how christian men only want petite submissive women, or how women will date loser-y non-christian men instead of solid christian guys, or how men should leave the church because it's ruining them?

what happened to love? what happened to giving people the benefit of the doubt? what happened to making a difference? what happened to listening to people's stories so you can understand their hurts and see why they sometimes make stupid decisions? should we not be praying for our single brothers and sisters? should we not be seeking out ways to minister to them so that they can grow stronger and become more christ-like, and some day be wonderful husbands and wives?

maybe i'm wrong. maybe i should leave my church in disgust. there aren't enough godly single men there, so obviously it's a terrible place with ungodly motives and selfish people. obviously they aren't trying to reach men, and they have their eyes closed to current state of christianity in our country.

i think we all get it. i think all of us single people who would dearly love to be married sometime soon agree that this world is fallen and messy and mistakes have been made, even by people with good intentions. can we stop whining and blaming and start praying and changing? yes, women are dumb sometimes! we often make bad decisions and date non-christian losers! it's true! we're weak in that area. our dumb decisions usually stem from hurts and wounds and insecurities. and yes, men aren't exactly running to church these days. but what can we DO about it? surely more than rant and rave and blame each other? more than walk away from church and dating altogether?

ok. end rant.