Thursday, June 19, 2008

since i died to dating...

so what's been different?

outwardly, not much. at least i don't think so. but inwardly, things are starting to change. it's weird; i don't know that i would call dating or my desire for marriage an idol, per se. i mean, maybe i should, but it doesn't seem to really fit that category.

basically, i stopped trying. i know that sounds bad, but it feels good; as if that's what god has wanted me to do for a while; give control to him. especially mental control. and i have to admit, it's been really freeing.

i feel like this sounds weird, so here's an example. a week or so after i decided to let go of this stuff, i was doing some planning and thinking about my upcoming church/humanitarian trip to new orleans. randomly, i thought, hmm... i should talk to my coworker dan and find out if his good-looking single friend christopher is thinking about going on the trip. i should try and encourage him to go. but as soon as that thought entered my head, i was like, wait, what? NO! not my job! not what i need to be worrying about. and it felt really good to recognize that, and tell that thought to take off! (eh!)

that seems to be the root of it. turning off my radar, turning off the voice that tells me to always be on the lookout and always try to make the most of any/every interaction. i don't want to be 'on' all the time. i just want to be myself. i want to be more worried about other things; helping people, serving, loving. not when and where and how i'll meet some great guy. it'll happen. i am friendly and outgoing and confident and attractive.

and i think good things are coming out of this. like my pastor said; dying to the things we want enables us to love better. that's ultimately what i want; to love better. to love anyone and everyone better. more. with the love of christ; the self-sacrificing, self-denying love of christ.

6 comments:

sarah cool said...

"dying to the things we want enables us to love better."

what a TRUE quote. i get so wrapped up in my dreams and desires and wants and needs. it makes me so self-centered. this is a lot to think about, thanks.

single/certain said...

any time, sarah cool :-)
thanks for reading, and for commenting :)

redwinegums said...

It's hard to surrender control in a society that is all about self. That's where faith comes in. If we trust God with our salvation; our career; our prayers etc we should also trust him with our search for a spouse.

GrizzBabe said...

Letting things go can definitely have a freeing effect. Glad that things are going well for you, and hope they continue to do so.

I don't post much on my other blog, but feel free to visit me at the one in this profile.

Angel

Anonymous said...

congratulations to you for taking this leap of faith. i am sure you will not regret it.

SavvyD said...

I think this will be a good time for you. I've been through a non-dating phase in my life also. I am considering dumping the latest flavor of the fortnight. There is another side to the non-dating adventure--the point where you become completely disgusted with it. That's where I am. Not dating is a double-edged sword. I decided I had to give dating some opportunity, which meant I had to make room for errors, miscalculations and imperfections that I was avoiding. Hence my blog. :)