the balancing act

like i said in my previous post, i've been really busy lately. for the most part, it's a good busy. i'm doing a lot more service-type stuff. i'm serving with creative team, a group at my church that meets weekly to build and paint stuff for the kids' programs. i'm also helping out with a one-day city-wide service project and of course, the new orleans trip.

and it's good. it's really good; i feel like i'm growing and stretching into a kinder, more selfless person. i feel like i'm even trying to love and serve my friends more.

but.... (and you knew there'd be a but!) none of this great awesome stuff completely replaces that hope that someday soon i'll meet someone worth going on at least a few dates with. i'd be lying to you (and you probably wouldn't believe me anyway) if i told you otherwise.

i'm having a lot of fun. and i feel good about growing and maturing, and most importantly, connecting with god more. but of course, it's still there. you know what i'm talking about. the desire. the looking. the wondering. the scanning the crowd at church. i know it's both impossible and wrong to turn it off all the way, and i'm glad that it seems to have quieted down a little. i seem to be more able to focus on god and his work than i have been in a long time.

but..... all that being said, personal growth and marriage are not mutually exclusive things. discovering how to draw nearer to god doesn't have to happen in a state of singleness. it's just that way with me, i guess.

ok. focusing on the awesomeness, not the absence. i know you love me and have a plan, god.

hey

so i've been wanting to post. i swear. i've been wanting to share about the singleness-related things that have been happening, or write about serving on this planning committee with vball dude. but, well, i just don't have much to say. plus i haven't the time to write about anything.

my life is full of stuff right now. good stuff! stuff that keeps me too busy to think much about being single or the marriage mandate vs. the gift of singleness. instead i am thinking about other things. sometimes it's small practical things like t-shirt price quotes for the shirts we'll need for the trip to new orleans. other times it's bigger things, but it's bigger things that i don't have my head wrapped around enough to write about.

no matter what i'm thinking about, though, i'm pretty happy right now. has my desire for a husband (or at least a boyfriend first) gone away? nope. but it isn't so big right now. i have other things to think about. things i can be a part of right now. change in people's lives, all over the world. my friends, people in my city, people in new orleans, and people in places like india and south africa, where my church has partnerships. god is using me and the things he's given me in all of those places.

plus, i have dutch pop! go to itunes and check out Hej Matematik!!! du og jeg is a good song to start with.

holidays, reunions and fabulousness

so happy post thanksgiving. i had family in town and was busy with them for most of the break, so i was slacking on the posting. the break was a lot of fun. and i have to say that for the first time in a really long time, i didn't really feel any pangs of loneliness over the holiday. even when my dad, his girlfriend, my brother and his wife and i went out to dinner. even when i sat by myself in the back of my brother and his wife's car on the way home from black friday shopping. i felt pretty comfortable and content the whole time. it was great!

believe it or not, i even felt comfortable when i went to... my ten year high school reunion! yup. i showed up alone, sparkled and shone for about 4 hours, and left alone. and it was great.

i was kind of a nerd in high school. too tall, too skinny, and too insecure. i know most of us have that last one in common. i'm a pretty humble person, most of the time, but i have to say... i looked fabulous at my reunion. how do i know this? first of all, i felt fabulous. and second of all, people told me i looked fabulous. not just, hey you look good! but i mean, like, wow, sc! you look fabulous! i mean, like really, really good! even the people who used to be popular back in the day were saying it.

i actually had a really great time. i walked around chatting with people i haven't seen in years, feeling fabulous the whole time. even when people asked me if i was married. nope! i'd say, and then i'd laugh or look mischievous.

i am so thankful to be in this place where i am secure and confident. and i'm not even dating anyone! i've struggled with self confidence since i was in middle school. i'm not 100% sure what all has contributed to me feeling so good recently. i think some of it's just me deciding i'm sick of feeling insecure.

if you don't feel fabulous at least 30 to 50% of the time, stop and think about why. and then do something about it. seriously. god wants you to feel fabulous. so do i! oh and so does your future spouse!

a happy, hope-filled holiday season?

strolling through my local target tonight, i had my first big christmas retail experience of the season. trees, lights, ornaments, christmas dishses, christmas towels... you name it, they had it. and it's not even thanksgiving yet. i even almost bought a christmas gift, but i didn't have cell service in the store so i couldn't call my friend to ask if her mom wants a certain home decor item for christmas.

as i meandered through the christmas ornament aisle, i noticed a young couple looking at ornament packages. they seemed to be trying to decide what color scheme to go with. that seems like it would be fun, i thought, smiling. picking out your first christmas ornaments and decorations together. sure, i could buy a tree and decorate it myself, or do it with my roommate, but i don't think either of us will be around much during the holidays. and besides, as most of you would probably agree, it's just not the same.

the cool thing about seeing this couple was what happened inside me... i was really happy for them! and my happy thoughts for them were followed by happy thoughts for me; someday i'll do that. not this year, probably not next year, but someday. and it feels good to feel happy. to be able to be happy for someone else and happy about the hope that i have.

quality, not quantity

sometimes i get down because i feel like i know all of the quality single (& tall) guys in my city. is that a ridiculous way to feel? oh sure. i totally admit that. but sometimes it feels that way. i've lived in this city more or less my entire life, and i have an ever-evolving group of single friends ranging from 22 to about 42. if some great new guy appeared, i like to think i'd hear about him pretty quickly. or at least see him at church. (i go to a gigantic mega church that's a seeker-friendly/emerging-church type place; it also seems to be the place to go if you're single)

so imagine my surprise when i show up for volleyball last week and start chatting with a rather attractive tall guy who seems to be pretty quality. oddly enough, i'd seen his name in a few of the local free papers for various charity and young professional events. he has kind of a weird last name and a double first name, so it stuck in my head. when i met him, i thought, ohhhh... you're that guy! hmm... from what i've seen, you're quality! cool!

and then imagine my surprise when i realize that this attractive, quality, tall, smart guy is flirting with me! woah!!! i almost didn't know what to do. but i think i managed to pull myself together enough to flirt back. we had great conversation for a while, but unfortunately, i left without him asking for my number. no biggy; i figure god will take care of that part. i'm not worried.

so hope is restored! there are, in fact, tall, quality, available men out there who i have not met yet. and even though i'd like to think i know all the available men at my mega-church, i don't. because this guy apparently goes there. i found out from a friend of a friend at church today that this guy both goes to my church and is in a small group. amazing. just when i think i have it all figured out, god pulls another trick out of his sleeve. thanks, god!