me and tula

so it's friday night, and i'm home. my roommate is at her boyfriend's. most of my friends are out of town or just otherwise occupied. and anyway, it's nice to be by myself. i needed a night alone. well, alone unless you count the cat and my large glass of red wine.

i'm watching 'my big fat greek wedding,' and wishing i were tula, the main character. at least then i would have something to change. something to work on. something to blame my singleness on. at the beginning of the movie, her hair and make up are a little lacking. then she goes to community college and magically gets it all together.

but i think my hair and make up are pretty awesome already. i have a BS in design, so i don't know that community college would change much of anything. i've read almost every christian dating book out there. i have prayed. i have internet dated (on match.com and eharmony). i have gone on dates with a lot of guys i knew i didn't want, just to 'be open.' and because i have a hard time saying no.

i have nothing left to work on. no more excuses. i've plateaued, really. it's kind of frustrating. i have to be one of the few people who cries while watching 'my big fat greek wedding.' i just hope somebody notices me soon, somebody like ian miller.

that lonely time

i just got back from an evening out with friends; we celebrated a birthday. my friend bev is 24. several of us went out to dinner and then to a nice bar with an outdoor courtyard. it was cool. they're a good group of people.

i rode with my friend evan, who's just started to hang out with a girl he really likes (so far). he talked about her and about dating and about dating her quite a bit. i didn't mind; i'm excited for him. i hope this works out. i'd much rather lose a friend to a relationship than keep him and have to go through breakup drama. besides, i can live vicariously through him for a while. it's nice to see someone getting jittery about a potential date.

toward the end of the evening, one of the guys i don't know so well sat down next to me. we made some small talk about dating, and then he asked my why i wasn't dating anyone. who did you want me to date? i asked him. he couldn't really come up with an answer.

i came home to my empty apartment. the cat had pooped on the living room rug. i cleaned it up, since my roommate probably won't be back until tomorrow or sunday. as soon as i sat down to write a little, the cat started to cough up a hairball. i shooed her into the kitchen so at least she wouldn't do it on the carpet.

sometimes, coming home from a night of small talk and dishing out advice to your closest guy friend to a dark apartment that smells like cat poop is just soo..... empty. how many more times? i want you god, but i want this to end soon, too. i know it could be years (or never) before it does, but, please... let it end soon.

the brave face will be back on tomorrow, folks.