Thursday, February 07, 2008

meeting random guys

last week i went to a large wine-tasting event on thursday night and out to a bar for some karaoke on saturday night. at both places, there were available, good-looking guys. thursday night was kind of awkward. i don't know why. maybe because my focus was off. i was totally in scope mode. it took me until now to figure it out, but i think scope mode is the problem. saturday night when a tall hot guy walked into the bar, i immediately went into scope mode; trying to catch his eye, trying to make sure i was smiling if came by or looked over, trying to figure out how to position myself near him, etc. it was a lot of work and it stressed me out.

now, i'm not saying that there's anything wrong with a little bit of strategy. i think that meeting people is an art, and that practice makes perfect. but i think the problem comes when the focus changes from me being out with my friends and having fun and meeting people to me figuring out what i can do to meet someone who's caught my eye. when the latter happens, i need to just tell myself to relax.

i don't turn into some desperate wierdo or anything. it's more of an internal shift. it stresses me out. i stop having as much fun. the funny thing is, saturday night, once i turned my focus back to my friends and singing and having a good time, i ended up standing at the bar next to the hot guy, and i even had a conversation with him. i was relaxed and we had a nice chat. it felt really good. a nice reminder that yes, i can talk to pretty much anyone. even good-looking guys at bars. i might have chatted with him more, but i'd seen him outside smoking earlier, so that kind of killed some of my interest. that, and i was leaving.

i think i'm starting to get this whole thing. if i'm confident, i'm more attractive, and i feel better. and if i'm relaxed, it's easier to talk to guys and i don't appear desperate. on top of that, if i take a few risks by talking to some random guys, it gets easier! ha, who would've guessed.


Atypical Christian Woman said...

Glad you had fun singing scary chokey, I mean Karaoke. My parents have a big sound system with a microphone stand. I think the scariest moment in their household was when my parents and their friends sang God Bless America. I am not sure if America was blessed or cursed.

I'm glad you had fun meeting random guys. If nothing comes out of it, well, at least you had a good conversation.

As far as meeting guys, I have to blame my textbooks for making me asexual. When I go out, I just want to drink and talk to my friends and/or family. But if any normal looking and sounding person strikes up a conversation, I am game.

Amir Larijani said...

S/C: Honestly, I'm not sure that meeting guys in bars--with the expectation of anything serious--is a high-percentage move if you are looking for a Christian.

Sure, you could find a Christian guy there--I usually go to a local pub for dinner once every few weeks, usually with some co-workers--but I'm not expecting to find some Godly Christian gal there either.

On the other hand, I'm not a dogmatist either: nothing inherently wrong with conversing. I also think it is wise to do as you did--remain with a group of friends.

Of course, if you need an armed chaperone... ;)

Atypical Christian Woman said...

Bars bring people from different walks of life and carrying different issues.


If you are ever in Chicago, I will tell you where people from my old church like to go.

single/certain said...

yeah, amir, i'm not looking to meet a future husband at a bar. i'm just looking to have fun with friends and keep my communication skills up. if i can talk to a cute guy at bar, i can talk to anyone anywhere. :-)

and in my town, you never know who knows whom. i swear, it's the smallest big city i know. everyone's connected somehow. here, when someone asks you where you went to school, they mean high school, not college :-)

Amir Larijani said...

S/C: Louisville and Indianapolis are a lot like that. I used to live near Indy, and spent some time in L-ville. Amazing how people either know each other, or know someone who does know you, or knows someone down the food chain who does.

MAX said...

Ah yes, the ever-struggling balance between scoping and just hanging out. Man, sometimes I can't make up my mind. And sometimes I'll feel guilty for scoping, but when I'm hanging out, I feel like I should be scoping. Is that totally confusing or what?!

Anyway, it was so good seeing you at karaoke. I wish we could have talked more, but when work starts to die down, I'm going to hunt you down for coffee. :)

Oh btw, are you doing the Consumed series? Everybody's been telling me about it, so I think I'm going to go to your church on Saturday nights for the series. If you're there, give me a buzz. :)

D said...

You are normal for wanting cute guys to notice you. I haven't figured out why Christian girls feel like they have to suppress something that is so natural. Then again, I've had people tell me I'm a really big flirt. Heck if I care. You could possibly meet a decent guy at a bar, after all, YOU are there! You can meet rotten guys at church, too.