what's your dream?

so our company had an offsite recently. that's where all 200 of us go somewhere cool, play bonding games, and brainstorm ideas to make our company better. it sounds cheesy, but it's actually pretty cool. they're usually fun and light-hearted, and they always end with an open bar (take from that what you will. for the record, i had one drink and then left).

during one session, we took turns sharing a couple of random things about ourselves with each other in groups of 6 or 8. one of the questions we took turns answering was 'name a dream you have.' as people went around the table sharing various things, i sat there trying to think of something appropriate to say.

i work in advertising. i'm surrounded by intense, driven professionals who dream of traveling the world, opening their own small businesses, landing big-name accounts, and changing the world. people shared some typical things, and a few non-typical things. when my turn came, i made up some lame answer about traveling the world doing humanitarian type work. um.... right. i mean, yeah, it would be cool to do that, but, i have to say it's not exactly something i lay awake at night thinking about.

but i couldn't bring myself to say what i really wanted to say. i really wanted to say that my dream is to be married. to be a wife. kids, yeah, sure. but first, marriage. but i didn't say that. i thought it would sound cheesey and get me a lot of strange looks. and i didn't think anyone else would say anything even close. imagine my surprise when a guy in my group, an account executive, says, my dream is to have a family. i want to get married and have a couple of kids. i love kids, and i really want some of my own some day.

i was shocked. in a good way, of course. and disappointed with myself. why couldn't i share with my coworkers my dream of being married? i mean, if this guy could do it, why coudn't i?

i've never been a person to care too much about what people think of my hopes and dreams. but i guess the fact that i couldn't own up to my real dream of being married clues me in that i'm not as real and transparent as i maybe like to think i am. i'll have to think about that some.