google/giggle

i'm trying not to do too much of either, but it's freaking hard. i had one conversation with this guy, yet i am really having to work hard to keep him out of my thoughts. i want to talk about him and be giggly with some of my girlfriends. i want to google him at work all the time. ridiculous!

but... i've done ok so far. steady doses of reality (i don't even know him!) and prayer are helping. that and the fact that i've walked down the fantasy path before, and the after-effects weren't pretty.

i'm trying to guard my heart and my mind. it's hard!

that lonely time

i just got back from an evening out with friends; we celebrated a birthday. my friend bev is 24. several of us went out to dinner and then to a nice bar with an outdoor courtyard. it was cool. they're a good group of people.

i rode with my friend evan, who's just started to hang out with a girl he really likes (so far). he talked about her and about dating and about dating her quite a bit. i didn't mind; i'm excited for him. i hope this works out. i'd much rather lose a friend to a relationship than keep him and have to go through breakup drama. besides, i can live vicariously through him for a while. it's nice to see someone getting jittery about a potential date.

toward the end of the evening, one of the guys i don't know so well sat down next to me. we made some small talk about dating, and then he asked my why i wasn't dating anyone. who did you want me to date? i asked him. he couldn't really come up with an answer.

i came home to my empty apartment. the cat had pooped on the living room rug. i cleaned it up, since my roommate probably won't be back until tomorrow or sunday. as soon as i sat down to write a little, the cat started to cough up a hairball. i shooed her into the kitchen so at least she wouldn't do it on the carpet.

sometimes, coming home from a night of small talk and dishing out advice to your closest guy friend to a dark apartment that smells like cat poop is just soo..... empty. how many more times? i want you god, but i want this to end soon, too. i know it could be years (or never) before it does, but, please... let it end soon.

the brave face will be back on tomorrow, folks.