when a friend is just a friend

so i posted once before about my friend seth, and how one night as he drove me home i thought he was going to tell me he liked me as more than a friend. he didn't say anything even remotely like that though. and i felt a little silly.

since then we've continued to hang out a lot. this past weekend we went out to sing some karaoke with friends and drove together. the next day he invited me to work on some website stuff i'd mentioned at a coffee shop near his house (he was there doing homework). he also invited me to watch him race this weekend, paid for my drinks on friday night, and a few other things.

add to that the fact that some of my friends are all 'you and seth hang out a lot! do you like him? i think he likes you!' and suddenly i'm wondering if i should stop accepting his invitations, or in the very least have one of those 'are we on the same page?' conversations.

monday night i sat down and wrote him an email. in the simplest, kindest words i could think of, i basically told him that i really enjoyed his friendship and didn't want to mess it up, and i just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. i told him i thought i had been picking up some 'more than friendly' vibes and was hoping that i hadn't been leading him on. then i hit send, crossed my fingers, and said a quick prayer.

i got a response the next day that totally put my fears at ease. he said that he'd been a bit taken aback at my email, but when he thought about it he could see why his actions could have been taken a little bit out of context. he assured me everything was cool, and i hadn't been leading him on at all. we're just friends.

giant sigh of relief! i was soooo glad. and even though it was awkward and a hard thing to bring up, i'm glad i did it. now we can hang out and i don't have to worry about messages i may or may not be sending.

plus, it feels good that i took a risk to make sure things were right. i can't help but feel proud of myself that i risked our friendship turning wierd, seth being angry or annoyed that i would think something like that, or even seth pulling away, by trying to clarify the situation. and i feel like my risk was rewarded; the friendship is solid and now i'm more sure of our status than ever. of course, i also feel a little silly, but the good feelings definitely outweigh the silly ones. besides, better safe than sorry. or in this case, safe and silly than sorry.

when a pause is just a... pause

i've been spending a fair amount of time with a great guy named seth lately. we met at church several months ago through a mutual friend. we sort of (long story) went on a date, after which i promptly emailed him (i know, i know) and basically said, seth, you're a great guy, an you're a total catch, you're just not my total catch. he responded with a fantastic email saying, hey no problem, yes, we can be friends, no worries at all.

and that was that. believe it or not, we actually have stayed good friends. but, as many of my guy friends like to remind me, it's generally not that black and white. without getting into it, let's just say that recently i've been thinking i need to tread carefully with seth, because he seems to still have a few more-than-friendly feelings for me. we've been hanging out a lot, and two or three of my friends have even noted that hey, he really lights up when you're around, sc!

sunday night, seth gave me a ride home after we'd been hanging out with some friends. (another friend of mine and i had carpooled, but she had gone home earlier because she was feeling sick).

we're riding along, enjoying the awesome night and his awesome car, which is a totally cool, old and restored little convertible two-seater. we start talking about our personalities. we both agree that a lot of things are generally more enjoyable when you have someone to enjoy them with. he starts to describe how his car is something like that; he enjoys it so much more when he has someone to enjoy it with him.

and then he stops. he pauses for a second and says hmm, how do i want to say this? another long, long pause. i mean, like, 10 to 20 seconds. and my stomach felt like it had dropped out of my body. my pulse started to race. oh no, i thought. here we go. i knew i should have had another status-check conversation with him! he's going to tell me how much he likes being with me and i'm going to have to break his heart! why did i let things get this far!?

but when he finally finds his words, it's nothing like that at all. he's just still trying to describe how great it is to share something with someone who appreciates it. i was so close to laughing out loud! and i felt really stupid. as soon as he dropped me off and i was safely inside my door, i did laugh out loud. sheesh. guilty conscience, anyone? ha.