when a pause is just a... pause

i've been spending a fair amount of time with a great guy named seth lately. we met at church several months ago through a mutual friend. we sort of (long story) went on a date, after which i promptly emailed him (i know, i know) and basically said, seth, you're a great guy, an you're a total catch, you're just not my total catch. he responded with a fantastic email saying, hey no problem, yes, we can be friends, no worries at all.

and that was that. believe it or not, we actually have stayed good friends. but, as many of my guy friends like to remind me, it's generally not that black and white. without getting into it, let's just say that recently i've been thinking i need to tread carefully with seth, because he seems to still have a few more-than-friendly feelings for me. we've been hanging out a lot, and two or three of my friends have even noted that hey, he really lights up when you're around, sc!

sunday night, seth gave me a ride home after we'd been hanging out with some friends. (another friend of mine and i had carpooled, but she had gone home earlier because she was feeling sick).

we're riding along, enjoying the awesome night and his awesome car, which is a totally cool, old and restored little convertible two-seater. we start talking about our personalities. we both agree that a lot of things are generally more enjoyable when you have someone to enjoy them with. he starts to describe how his car is something like that; he enjoys it so much more when he has someone to enjoy it with him.

and then he stops. he pauses for a second and says hmm, how do i want to say this? another long, long pause. i mean, like, 10 to 20 seconds. and my stomach felt like it had dropped out of my body. my pulse started to race. oh no, i thought. here we go. i knew i should have had another status-check conversation with him! he's going to tell me how much he likes being with me and i'm going to have to break his heart! why did i let things get this far!?

but when he finally finds his words, it's nothing like that at all. he's just still trying to describe how great it is to share something with someone who appreciates it. i was so close to laughing out loud! and i felt really stupid. as soon as he dropped me off and i was safely inside my door, i did laugh out loud. sheesh. guilty conscience, anyone? ha.