Monday, September 17, 2007

logic according to debbie maken & friends

i recently read this post over at 'the gift of singleness,' a blog written by some singles in the UK. they bring up some good points in their posts, in general, but they are sometimes a little too 'disciples of all things debbie maken' for me.

in the aforementioned post, they use this passage from maken's book:

"...think about what happened in Nazi Germany. One could say that those events were God's will. In a technical sense, those events did happen while God was ruling. But for us to say that God wills the murder of six million innocent people completely contradicts what he has revealed in Scripture and inaccurately reflects his desires."
then captain sensible draws the same 'obvious' conclusion that maken does; it's not god's will for us to be single. leaving aside the pretty ludicrous comparison of the murder of millions of innocent people to the current state of single christians, i have to question the statement.

i admit that i may have done something not exactly christlike. i submitted a comment on captain sensible's post in which i asked, ok, so why am i still single? (though, it doesn't really matter; they don't seem to be too fond of publishing my comments)

and this is the question that i feel that maken and all of her followers don't address. they don't speak enough to the fact that whether or not god caused this to happen, this is how it is for a lot of people. i have done everything in my power to change my situation. i have to now believe that god has me here for a reason.

i am not missing a date or a husband. i am not living outside of god's will because i don't have one. i am not less loveable or holy than debbie maken or any other happily (or not so happily) married christian. it is obvious to me that god has me here in a place of singleness for a reason.

it's not obvious in that i know why i am still single. it's more of an obviousness that comes from having tried everything humanly possible to get out of my situation. i very much want companionship, and all that comes with it. but god has been telling me to stop seeking. to concentrate on him instead of his gifts. is it hard? holy CRAP yes. sometimes i am so sad and lonely and frustrated i just have to cry for awhile. and not just a few tears, no, the crying with the ugly sobs and loud gasping for air. the kind of crying where you have to put your pillow over your face so you won't wake up your roommate, and the next morning your eyes are all puffy.

i wish that more christians would speak to this. so many single christians need compassion and encouragement, not someone telling them that life's not supposed to be this way. we know that already. it's a fallen world. of course it's not supposed to be this way! our sadness and loneliness and longing tell us that already.

i'm encouraging anyone else in my shoes to continue to seek god. seek a date, too, if you don't feel him telling you not to. by all means, seek a date! but make sure you are seeking to know and love and live like Him before all else. then all the rest will be given unto you.


shazia said...


I might not turn out to be your favorite guest here, but I frequent Captain's blog and I guess you can say that I agree with most of the things on that blog even though he/she sometimes expresses things in a less than conventional way. I think that he/she is just as frustrated as you are in your loneliness but has a different view on it, not held by a lot of Christians that I see.

I just have to say that I sincerely believe that the notion that God wants us to be single, simply because we are in a state of protracted singleness, to be very wrong. I'm not saying that this is wrong in each and every single case, but in most of them.

However, I will not pretend to know the answer as to why we are still single, even if we don't want to be. I just feel that these things are not necessarily God's will. The murder of millions of innocent people may not be the only kind of comparison out there to the state of single Christians, but for some people, this state of single Christians is a form of emotional "suicide" or "self-murder."

I hope you don't flame me or anything for finding anything logical in that comparison, but I think I have an understanding of Maken's comparison in a different perspective.

I don't think that I can frequent this blog often because I find myself disagreeing with things here and I don't know if you're up for that, but I can see that you sincerely want to understand why we are still single and involutarily so. Maybe we will never find out, who knows. I think God KNOWS why we are single, but I sincerely disagree that God necessarily wants it that way. There are many things in this world that are unfavorable for a lot of people, and God allows it, but that does not mean that he favors it.

That's all!

Anonymous said...

And here's where the logic really breaks down - Jesus Christ himself was single.

single/certain said...

hey, i have no favorites or unfavorites, promise! one thing i've seen that i hate is how differences of opinion on blogs deteriorate into name calling and flaming and arguing. i'm not about that at all! and anyway, i think we all have more in common than not.

i'm about expressing myself and my thoughts and experiences, and hoping that my posts and any ensuing dialog will help other single people.

i think i see what you're saying... just because god allows something, that doesn't mean he favors it. that makes sense, i think. i'll have to process on that some more, though; god choosing things for people vs. god allowing things to happen... that is something to think about.

i guess maybe i just feel that there are so many people working to address what is often seen as a crisis in the church, all of us single folk, that i want to look at the other side. i agree, we need help. but i also want to see people focusing on god. I want to focus on god. i am tired of trying so many other things.

and so i guess what i'm doing is just sharing my experience, in case anyone else's is similar.

have you heard of connally gilliam? i just read her book, revelations of a single woman, and i loved it. i'm planning to do a review soon. i'd be interested to know what you think.

shazia said...

thank you for your understanding, single/certain. I have not heard of the lady you are describing. It's nice to know that you feel that good about a book, perhaps it is inspirational for you.

single/certain said...

right on, anon! he was single. and scripture says that he struggled with all the things we struggled with. and him being fully man, that means he struggled with lust and loneliness just like we do. and that means that we can overcome, just like he did. amen for that.

singlechristianman said...

Singlecertain: You are correct to intuit that christian teaching should not make you feel condemned and/or creepy when your heart is open go God and He is not convicting your or condemning you. As I have noted ,it is in fact common sense that the church should be helping marriages and holy dates forming.

All I wanted to do was to point out that you are doing well to to take note when something in the church is driving you away - this has implications across the spectrum of your life, not just so-important-relationships.

singlechristianman said...

Shazia said: just have to say that I sincerely believe that the notion that God wants us to be single, simply because we are in a state of protracted singleness, to be very wrong"

I encourage you, then, to go to the teachers who teach this and engage them and see how it feels when the interact with you. Compare that feeling you get from this with what single christian men feel (or what you think they feel, based on what they say) when the churches treat them like losers, predators, or both in the same church even. And remember that prior to the 60's no one had discovered some of the "biblical" teachings floating around now.

Paul said...

Hello -- Shazia contacted me, so I removed my message for her so that I don't get spammed. Thanks.