i admit it...

i descended into the madness of the marriage mandate debate. i feel kind of bad about it, but what's done is done.

what did i do? i attempted to put the verbal smackdown on debbie maken. i admit it. my motives were not pure or wholesome. i was shocked and angry, and i reacted with sarcasm. this woman is a somewhat well-known christian writer, and yet in many places around the internet you can find her making callous and downright meant comments. below are some of my favorites, so you can see what i mean. i'm sure amir can dig up more :-)

from comments on a boundless article:
"I have nothing to clarify or add about page 185 of the book. You got a 45 year old bachelor, go figure. Either a late bloomer, either was too picky, either consistently choosing poor quality women to date, either no effort, . . . at some point people need to take responsibility for where they are due to decisions/inactions they have made all along the way. The presumption of innocence that Anna did not indulge the 45 year old Christian male in is understandable, as well as her refusal to reward."

from comments on her own blog:
"So, farmer Tom, spare me the condescension of most women being feminist, men-disrespecting, corporate ladder climbing, career lovers, somehow leaving hapless, well-intentioned men in a dusty haze of confusion. Get off your bottom, be a "man," so that a woman will actually be attracted to you, and quit making excuses."

(note: farmer tom is married with kids)

maken has some good points in her book. but as several people have noted previously, they've all been eclipsed by her judgmental and often downright mean attitude.

i'm going to leave off the debate on this now and return to simply living my life and sharing my struggles and triumphs as a single woman. things should hopefully be quieting down in my life over the next few weeks, so hopefully i'll have more time to post again.

logic according to debbie maken & friends

i recently read this post over at 'the gift of singleness,' a blog written by some singles in the UK. they bring up some good points in their posts, in general, but they are sometimes a little too 'disciples of all things debbie maken' for me.

in the aforementioned post, they use this passage from maken's book:

"...think about what happened in Nazi Germany. One could say that those events were God's will. In a technical sense, those events did happen while God was ruling. But for us to say that God wills the murder of six million innocent people completely contradicts what he has revealed in Scripture and inaccurately reflects his desires."

then captain sensible draws the same 'obvious' conclusion that maken does; it's not god's will for us to be single. leaving aside the pretty ludicrous comparison of the murder of millions of innocent people to the current state of single christians, i have to question the statement.

i admit that i may have done something not exactly christlike. i submitted a comment on captain sensible's post in which i asked, ok, so why am i still single? (though, it doesn't really matter; they don't seem to be too fond of publishing my comments)

and this is the question that i feel that maken and all of her followers don't address. they don't speak enough to the fact that whether or not god caused this to happen, this is how it is for a lot of people. i have done everything in my power to change my situation. i have to now believe that god has me here for a reason.

i am not missing a date or a husband. i am not living outside of god's will because i don't have one. i am not less loveable or holy than debbie maken or any other happily (or not so happily) married christian. it is obvious to me that god has me here in a place of singleness for a reason.

it's not obvious in that i know why i am still single. it's more of an obviousness that comes from having tried everything humanly possible to get out of my situation. i very much want companionship, and all that comes with it. but god has been telling me to stop seeking. to concentrate on him instead of his gifts. is it hard? holy CRAP yes. sometimes i am so sad and lonely and frustrated i just have to cry for awhile. and not just a few tears, no, the crying with the ugly sobs and loud gasping for air. the kind of crying where you have to put your pillow over your face so you won't wake up your roommate, and the next morning your eyes are all puffy.

i wish that more christians would speak to this. so many single christians need compassion and encouragement, not someone telling them that life's not supposed to be this way. we know that already. it's a fallen world. of course it's not supposed to be this way! our sadness and loneliness and longing tell us that already.

i'm encouraging anyone else in my shoes to continue to seek god. seek a date, too, if you don't feel him telling you not to. by all means, seek a date! but make sure you are seeking to know and love and live like Him before all else. then all the rest will be given unto you.