no more bad boys (probably can't say the same for bad decisions)

we all know the stereotype of the bad boy. i admit, i've fallen for a few. i've never seriously dated one, but i've 'hung around' a few, and um, may have made a bad decision or two concerning a rally-attending socialist venezuelan and also an underachiever rich-kid with bad words tattooed on his knuckles.

i am definitely making better decisions now, though! heck, the last guy i made a bad decision with was a really good guy! baby steps, right? right.....

so i saw vball dude at a church function last night. he was in line next to me for communion. we chatted some, and that was that. i hung around afterward hoping to talk to him some more, as i actually had something to tell him, but he was deep in conversation with someone else. i emailed him today, and when he emailed me back he mentioned the humanitarian trip through our church thathe was helping to plan, and added that if i wanted to help out, to just let him know. and before i really knew what i was doing, i hit reply and said, yup, i'd love to help out.

and with the click of my mouse and the stroke of a few keys, i committed to a trip to new orleans in August to build houses.

now, in my defense, i was thinking about going on some kind of trip like that this year. a few years ago i went really far away (africa), and i'm not ready to shell out for that again right now. but new orleans is much more do-able. and i was thinking that with some of my experiences, i could help with leadership stuff if they need it. but before that email, i still wasn't sure if i was committing or not. but i think that now i am committed.

but, you know what? vball dude is a good guy. a really good guy. even though at this point i don't think he's being anything more than nice to me, i'm ok with me doing a few silly (but hopefully subtle) things to hang around him a little more. for the first time in a while. i've found a good, solid guy, and i'm intrigued. i'm intrigued by his goodness! that doesn't happen much. hopefully we'll become friends and i can see what he's really all about, and if he's as good as he seems.

don't ignore that funny feeling

it's funny how sometimes even though you know a situation you're in probably isn't good for you (or anyone else involved), you stay in it because it feels good and because there's no 'hard evidence' that it's really all that bad. you just have that feeling that something is kind of weird.

i had that 'this isn't quite right' feeling the last few times i hung out with seth. heck, i'd had it on and off the whole time we were friends. i think it got a little more intense at the end because we were talking more and hanging out more. it felt like we were too close. when we'd hang out with our group of friends, i had this weird feeling of being too attached to him. like he wasn't connecting to the others because he didn't need to—he had me. i felt drawn to him because i knew he wanted to be near me, but i also felt the unhealthiness of it. i just didn't do anything about it until it was too late.

and so this is just a reminder to listen to that little voice in your head or your heart. if you even feel a little bit of weirdness or unhealthiness, do something about it. talk to someone, change your behavior, something. just because you can't see the consequences, or you don't think there'll be any, doesn't mean they won't show up. walk the narrow path; it ends up being much much easier.