Monday, October 08, 2007

the ones that 'get away'

sometimes when i get lonely, i get wistful about the past and start thinking about guys i used to know. most of the time i know i should be going to god in prayer or picking up the phone and calling a friend instead. but sometimes i stupidly choose to drown my sorrows in old photos, the 'sad' playlist on my ipod, and memories of certain times with certain people.

i think just about everyone has one person they can't seem to forget about. that one person who was the cliched 'one that got away.' i definitely have one of those. ask any of my friends and they'd probably tell you who he is. ohhhh, no, not him, they'd say. we've heard waay too many stories about him.

i haven't talked to, heard from, seen, or emailed my 'one' since new year's day, 2004. the short story is that we tried to make a relationship work, and it became painfully obvious that it wouldn't. and i mean literally painfully; we both thought we had the flu, but it was each of us trying to squash the overwhelming feeling that the two of us just weren't supposed to get together. we really cared about each other, but that just wasn't enough.

all of that to say that even though i know in my head and my heart that he and i are not meant to be together (and have known that for quite some time), he is where my heart goes when i am lonely. i know it's silly, i know that i don't really want him and that he isn't an option. but, because of the way it ended, or maybe because i liked him for sooooo long, or because he's a lot like my dad, or perhaps because we never did anything more than kiss a handful of times, or one of several other reasons (or maybe all of them combined), he's who i think of when i think i wish i had someone.

i am definitely getting better, though. i'm working hard at combating those lies and false hopes with truth, both scriptural and even just present reality. generally, if i think about him a bit, i can remember some of the not so great stuff, and i can remind myself that the version of him that lives in my head is way better than the real version. and fantasy guys don't exactly make great husbands.

who's your 'one that got away'? are you believing things about him or her that you know aren't true?

1 comment:

The mini ninja said...

I totally know what you mean, doll. I have one, too. One that I think of when I'm lonely, as you say. And course, during those times, I tend to think things about him that I know aren't true. But in the end, I know they probably are true. I know I've moved on and he probably has too.

And P.S., I have a sad song list too, lol. Except I call my "Sappy Songs".

Good times.