grateful and content

through a myriad of ways, god's been working on my heart this week, and continuing to help me want him, not just his gifts. for the first time in a while, i feel like i'm coming back to the place where i'm ok with being single.

this weekend i found myself going to the symphony with seth, my friend marie, and her friend kelly. it was a last minute thing, and we bought the cheapest tickets we could, but still; the symphony! it was a fantastic performance; a full men's and women's choir, a children's choir, and several soloists. afterward we met friends out for a drink and some food.

today, several of us met for breakfast and then went to church. my friend james picked me up on his motorcycle, which was awesome. i readily admit that i am one of those girls who loves a guy with a cool car or motorcycle or whatever. after church, james and i went on a long ride, just out. i had no idea where we were a lot of the time, and i know my city pretty well. we drove west a ways, and then wound our way back into town. it was the perfect day; sunny and warm with that bit of fall in the air, and the sky was just so blue. i was so content. there's no other way to describe it. it was this small slice of heaven; today, there was no where else i would have rather been that speeding on the back of that bike.

somewhere between the symphony last night and clinging to james as we sped across the backroads today, i started to tell god how grateful i am for all of these things. sure, a boyfriend would be great, but right now i have seth and his little convertible and james and his motorcycle and my other friend dave and his motorcycle, not to mention all of my girlfriends and what fun i have with them.

sure, sometimes all those things seem to pale in comparison to coming home and curling up with someone. but right now, this is what i have. right now, i am choosing to be grateful for what god is giving me. and it is so much easier and more fun to be grateful for the fun things than to cry and worry about what i am missing.

the 'gift' of singleness?

wow! so i had no idea this was such a hot topic. yes, i've read all the books; debbie maken's, a bunch by elisabeth elliott, dr. cloud, etc. i've had a lot of internal struggle too. but i had no idea how hotly the (online) christian single community would debate the 'gift' of singleness vs. the 'marriage mandate.'

personally, i see some of both sides. i agree that marriage is god's design for most of us. and i agree that a lot of us are kidding ourselves when we expect service, friends, careers, etc to fill our desires for a husband/wife.

but i see a dangerous slope, which i'm sure others have discussed. as a single person, it's really easy for me to be so focused on my situation that i lose site of my god and the gifts he's given me. is singleness a gift he's given me? well, yes, for right now it certainly is. i very much want to be married (so much so... i'm sure future posts will go into more detail about the tears i've cried and the stupid things i've done out of that wanting). but, right now, i'm single. and it is obvious to me that this is where god wants me. am i happy about it? not always, but i want to be.

am i open to dates? yes (to some extent, but that's another post). am i constantly trying to grow to become the kind of mate i hope to have someday? yes! (dear god, i have read so many books, tried so many things! ha.) BUT, i am also asking god why he has me here. why have i been single for so long? why do i have this feeling in my heart that i'm in this unique place of prolonged singleness for a reason? to quote a recent sermon i heard, maybe 'my misery is my ministry.' we'll see. again, perhaps more on that later.

all of that to say that it's a combination. yes, we live in a fallen world where men and women are failing each other all of the time. and yes, satan is attacking through secular culture and other assorted ways. yes, i mourn the fact that i am 28, still a virgin, and my body is starting to age. some things just suck! but, i can't give up. i have to hold on to hope. i have to believe that he has a plan. that:

'Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior."

(Habakkuk 3:17-18)

so that's what i think. care to comment?