Wednesday, December 05, 2007

dating: work or wait?

i'm still thinking on this. why? maybe because i've tried both tactics, and so far neither one has yielded a spouse. the working thing, however, has yielded my trying new things (volleyball), meeting new people, and several mediocre dates. well, and that whole 'learning about yourself' thing. that was pretty important.

maybe working at meeting someone and trusting god are not mutually exclusive. maybe i can do both. work at meeting a guy while trusting god he'll introduce me to someone cool? woah. groundbreaking, eh? not really, i know. living with the tension, as bev so wisely pointed out to me in her comment on the previous post.

i'm also thinking it would be better if i didn't look at situations as so black and white. no, dating lots of different guys didn't immediately lead to me meeting a husband, and yes, that's kind of frustrating. but i learned about myself, learned about men, and i now have some more random stories to tell. same thing with not dating; i just have less stories from that time. neither one was all bad or all good.

it'd probably be a good thing if i pushed myself to try some different activities in an attempt to meet some new prospects. even if i don't meet anyone, other good almost always comes from trying new activities/service projects/etc. i have to admit i feel kind of lame when i think, oh, i'm trying random activity x so i can meet some guys, and i'm not sure why. it feels kind of fake or something. i think that's my own crap to get over, probably, though.


shazia said...


working at finding someone and waiting are not mutually exclusive things :) Really, does the fact that you are "dating someone" automatically mean that you are "not waiting" at that moment? Not really. Even while we may be being proactive in finding a spouse, we are still "waiting" until we find that spouse. Make sense?

single/certain said...

totally makes sense, shazia. but when i'm just living my life, day in day out, doing the same things with the same people, i'm not really working.

Anonymous said...

Here's a hint: dating itself is deeply flawed. It's not meant to find you the right spouse.

When people date, they naturally put up a false image of themselves. From make up and nice clothes to the persona and attitude they package up for their date, they actively mislead the other person into thinking that he or she is a person that they're really not most of the time.

It's no coincidence that as the dating culture began divorce rates shot through the roof: nobody ended up marrying the person they were dating!

I would suggest establishing friendships with many different people, men or women. Women will show you which nice men they know (through relation or friendship) that can be compatible with you, and male friends can turn out to be good spouse potentials.